Marine family support group...amazing folks!

We went on a trip to Illinois this past week. My cousin was supposed to graduate from the Navy’s only Boot camp in Great Lakes but sadly was injured. We ended up just seeing the sights and sounds of Chicago which was about 40 miles away. We weren’t prepared for the cold. Personally I thought it was windy like Oceanside is breezy. There is always a constant breeze here because of the proximity to the ocean well let me forewarn whoever makes any plans to ever visit there. Bring scarves, thick jackets and gloves! This time of year there was not freezing but felt like it due to the tropical storm like winds! When they say Chicago is the “Windy City” the words are not exaggerated by no way shape or form! 

Thankfully we’ll get to go back because this trip was all about getting lost. Blackberries and Droid phones were useless against the countless construction projects and detours which lead us to nowhere most of the time. We wandered the cityscape which by the way is the size of 4 Houston skylines. It is long and full of one ways and the whole reason I could never find my Gino’s Deep Dish Pizza!! Man versus Food places next time guys so be ready!

On our first night in Great Lakes we went to dinner with the Kleinfelders’ who are parents of a Marine who went to Afghanistan with Anthony. They volunteer with many supportive organizations that support the Marine Corps & deployed troops overseas. Angie invited us to speak at a Marine Parents support group to talk about Wounded Warrior & the Family Readiness Program. We didn’t really know what to expect since its family members and we’ve talked to more Marines and wives than moms, dads and family members.  There was supposed to be a recruiter there just going over uniforms but he couldn’t make it so we were more than happy to step up.There were no words to describe our experience though other than absolutely inspirational and motivating.

What we witnessed is amazingly resilient families from all over the 'time in' & MOS spectrum of the Marine Corps get together, talk out issues and lean on each other for support mentally and emotionally. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard it said and then said it on here that it takes a village to help each other come to terms with this life and not just survive it but thrive in it. These families have proved that logic absolutely right and have inspired Anthony and I to seek more of these groups out. We’d love to help wherever possible and these outstanding parents just wanted to know more about the Marine Corps. We can see now that there is that need for more involvement and information now more than ever. Whether it’s knowledge of the Marine Corps history, bootcamp information, uniform names, rank structure, MOS’ or even different programs that help parents & family members the need is there and should not be set aside or overlooked. We got to speak with girlfriends, sisters, soon to be and step fathers, mothers and even poolees. Families from airwing and marsoc positions to sawgunner and grunt units it was just heartwarming. We were told how appreciated we were for coming out and speaking but we got so much more from just saying a few words than this group of family members will ever know. Angie is so great for exposing us to something new and absolutely motivating. Information and knowledge about this lifestyle is the key to being able to take things as they come and be stronger throughout what comes our way. Poor poolees & first time families who were there; we apologized for maybe talking over their heads & talking about not so fun things but hopefully they see the reality of the situation yet also know that there are strength in numbers. Hopefully when we go back again we’ll get to go to another meeting and maybe talk about the bootcamp experience, care packages or deployments in general. LOL!

For those of you who were at that meeting let me give you some more information that not everyone may have heard or didn’t get a chance to ask me about. 

It is easy for a Marine to say that he’s prepared his family fully for deployments & everything that comes along with this lifestyle and sometimes they believe that. There is always something to learn though regardless of whether you’ve been around military since birth or just this past year. In all actuality I believe the Family Readiness Program should take a more active approach to introducing families who aren’t close to a base like most wives are to all aspects of how this lifestyle will impact them & their Marine for years to come.

1) I encourage all of you once again to find your FRO and contact information for your company Family Readiness Assistants (FRA’s)

2) Check your units Facebook page, unit website, twitter page regularly

3) If the unit is deployed call the hotline for information that the unit website may not have (or even try calling the unit their attached to); google alert information to be sent to your email or smart phone the RCT & unit name so you’ll have the latest information available not always 'officially released or confirmed' from the unit

4) Email your FRA regularly to keep that bond there for either the homecoming or even the next workup and deployment

5) If you haven’t already look into taking the L.I.N.K.S. for Parents online course it has invaluable information that can and will be used throughout the entire course of your Marine’s career

6) Read the Marine Corps Times regularly & keep in tune even if its sporadically with Marine Parents & the other organizations which provide forums and chat rooms

http://www.usmc-mccs.org/upfrp/links.cfm?sid=fl&smid=3

How can Family Readiness Program help me?

The Family Readiness Program assists the families of deployed Marines and Sailors in several ways, including:

1. Keeping you informed. While the units are deployed, the Family Readiness Program is the means by which families receive all official messages from the command. Heard that the MEU is leaving early? Coming home late? Somewhere dangerous? If you want the true scoop, go to your Family Readiness Assistant as they will have the latest information direct from the unit and can help dispel any rumors. This way, you don't have to rely on the lieutenant's brother's girlfriend's nephew for information on the MEU.

2. Providing the voice of experience. Family Readiness Assistants know the ins and outs of military living, and possess the knowledge to help other families through the difficult deployment period. In addition to their life experiences, they receive extensive training on the programs and services available to military family and are eager to pass this information on.

3. Information Referral Services. Looking for a way to get involved with other spouses with children or similar interests? Your designated Family Readiness Assistant will gladly refer you to the endless resources that are made available to military families.

4. Family Readiness. The Family Readiness Program’s number one mission is to enhance family readiness for the deployment, and does so by creating programs, readiness packets, and social events designed to make the separation caused by deployment a little easier to bear.

5. A support system. Remember, you are not alone. As military families, we are part of a unique community and in a profound way - we are a family unto ourselves. Any problem you may be facing has no doubt been met and overcome by another family member and the Family Readiness Program provides the means for their experience to benefit you.

http://www.mccscp.com/home/Files/pdf/Family_Services/Downloads/LINKS%20for%20Parents%20Guide.pdf

Wounded Warrior Wives...

Wounded Warrior wives are some of the most resilient, tough skinned individuals I’ve had the privilege to learn from recently besides the service member’s themselves of course. It’s honestly very surreal because as wives one day we can be sitting at home watching Good morning America with some coffee and in what feels like a moments’ time we’ve been given the title of caregiver. The tempo changes very rapidly from proud independent deployed spouse of a Marine to Wounded Warrior wife, caregiver, non-medical assistant, charge nurse, pharmacy tech, responsible adult for his and your well-being, ect.  We never expect their lives to end up anything other than normal. We just imagine that one day we’ll grow up and older with our men. Envisioning ourselves completely whole and healthy; maybe a little worse for wear but physically well on acres of land in the country sitting in a rocking chair enjoying the Texas heat and humidity. Traveling, enjoying grown children, grandchildren, retired but still helping others is our ultimate destination! Possibly a little greyer, a little older, maybe a little less energetic but none the less together and able to do whatever you want with the rest of your lives.  Everyone hears and can see that people get hurt in Afghanistan. Seeing the news reports, numbers of the injured and images on tv just don’t feel real. It seems as if it’s all a world away from our bubble and the faces of the WIA’s and KIA’s are significantly sad but don’t always ring home.

There was a time I walked around like all the other wives with the mentality that “it will not happen to us, and it won’t be my guy.” Somehow psyching myself out because all of his training and preparation since the time he’d been in the Marine Corps would suffice and get him through unharmed. Unfortunately, denial gets you absolutely no where though. The denial was a self protecting shield we put up to block the negative in the face of uncertainty. Not wanting to think about the worst of the worst for me was necessary to an extent to keep my sanity and is part of the deployment emotional cycle we all go through. Thankfully we were wise enough to still get everything in order; we had extensive Wills prepared, Powers of Attorney written out, and updated his Marine OnLine records for next of kin notification.

When the time came for him to leave for Afghanistan we said what we normally say, “Come home no matter how…” and I made him promise me that. Promises are typically something I never make Anthony do because it's unrealistic and unfair to the both of us.  They are very rare and priceless but I remember how we said that he could keep that promise because either way he’d get to come back home. Anthony and I had talked about the extremes of war many times before so I knew the risks and like any good Grunt he wanted this deployment so badly. There were many tears on my part talking about this and then thinking of what could go wrong, how I would deal with it, ect. We agreed that if he somehow sees my dad (who recently passed away) then something went wrong. I know now that those conversations prepared me and helped me rationalize the deployment and how serious it was, the HQMC phone call, the red tape and procedures afterwards, just getting him and myself just through those first couple of weeks.

Something I'd never wish on someone is the Headquarters Marine Corps phone call. When the call comes in though; they ask formally for your name, you say this is her how can I help you, the Marine says this is ___ with Headquarters Marine Corps; you’re heart just stops. For an instant you’re beside yourself with worry, anxiety and fear of the unknown. Every part of your mind is fuzzy; you don’t know what to do first and all you know is you’re not so sure of your future with your husband anymore. They tell you basically nothing because they’re reading from a report. It bothered me that someone who didn’t know my husband, didn’t know the facts or was even out there called to tell me something that was so rudely vague I was absolutely sure the people who do that job gets cursed out quite a bit. They tell you that he is injured, where, when and what type of seriously injured he is. THAT IS IT!  So basically you know he was involved in something that didn’t turn out like it was supposed to. You know that he was injured in some way, shape or form and some dude just called you to tell you what he read off a paper and any questions you have he says, “I’ll find out and get back to you.” UMMMMM OKAYYYYY!!!! Thanks for raising my blood pressure to the boiling point and then ultimately telling me the bare minimum.

Things change day to day with this CACO procedure. At a local town hall meeting were just informed that now it won’t be just a phone call. The next of kin will now be informed through a CACO officer at your home on his MOL record. HOLY CRAP! Really?! We’ve had the assumption that the only reason they do that is for KIA’s and now it’s changing. Hmmm…I don’t know how to feel about that.  What do you think? I think that would have been even more insulting to come to my house with only a sentence of information and not know anything. Yep now I know he’ll get cursed out. Having someone face to face though could have helped in moving along the process of whether or not the next of kin should go to Germany or Bethesda. We’ll see how this process goes. I wish I would have just told our HQMC rep to get that order done and over with for me to go to Germany the first conversation we had. I was told at one point, “well we don’t know how long he’ll he there.” When in all actuality it would have turned out fine because it took him several days to get to Germany and it would have taken me just as long too. Other service members get pushed to the front of the ‘medevac line’ if they’re more severe than your Marine who just gets bumped down to another flight within a few hours or even days. You’ll really have no way of knowing this information though because obviously the flight manifests aren’t public knowledge so my saving grace was just keeping in touch with those Marines out there who knew more than the guys in charge back here. I should have just gone anyways and will forever kick myself for not doing so. If I would have gone it would have prevented missing medical records needed for future usage, clear information to me from the doctors there since he was knocked out and on multiple pain meds, and just peace of mind for myself in being by his side through everything.

In the end bullets and IED’s don’t have names on them. They are very real and don’t have a destination other than to injure and devastate whomever they impact. The Wounded Warrior wives are truly warriors themselves. Wise beyond their young years and can conquer anything after being through so much already. It is an extremely hard process that comes with the CACO call but because of this Semper Fi love we ladies have for these men, our USMC family, civilian family & friends we get through it and somehow do it with grace and a little red wine on the side.