Memorial Day

Memorial Day for most Americans meant great shopping deals, the start of summer vacation season, fireworks, traveling, warmer temperatures, the Indy 500 and pool openings. Yet think for a second how you would feel if your father or brother had died in the war and people were out enjoying their time off and never for a second stopped to understand why they are off in the first place.

Memorial Day is a sacred United States federal holiday which remembers and honors service members who’ve died while in service to their country. This date itself has been changed over the years but is now observed on the last Monday of May. Originally it honored Union and Confederate soldiers following the Civil War. Three years after the Civil War ended the head of Union veterans established Decoration Day as a time for the nation to decorate the graves of the war dead with flowers. This day was chosen because flowers would be in bloom all over the country. The day of honor was extended after World War I for anyone who has died in all wars. Begun as a ritual of remembrance and reconciliation after the civil war, by the early 20th century, Memorial Day became the occasion for more general expressions of memory, as ordinary people began visiting the graves of their deceased relatives, whether they had served in the military or not. There are memorial services at national cemeteries all over the country for service members who’ve given the ultimate gift for our freedoms.

When I researched a little for this piece I found something I didn’t know. On every Memorial Day at 3 p.m. local time a long standing tradition encourages Americans to partake in a moment of silence to remember and honor those brave Americans who have died in wars. I think this is one of those small gestures in a huge impact kind of things. Imagine if everyone at 3 p.m. would have stopped whatever they’re doing to just be silent and still for our service members and their sacrifice. It’s an excellent way to honor and show respect to those brave individuals who gave up so much for you and me.

Also if no one noticed the flag was raised briskly to the top of the staff and then solemnly lowered to the half-staff position, where it remained only until noon. It was then raised to full-staff for the remainder of the day. The half-staff position remembers the more than one million men and women who gave their lives in service of their country. At noon their memory is raised by the living, who resolves not to let their sacrifice be in vain, but to rise up in their stead and continue the fight for liberty and justice for all. This also lets us keep in our minds the ones who are deployed now in harm’s way now and in the future.

For most of us with any form of military influence in our lives this day means so much more than beach days and fireworks. Our lives are saturated in patriotism daily so the majority of us on bases across the world take the time out to pause in reverence out of respect, honor and admiration. We remember those who we know who are at war in harm’s way constantly at this very second fighting for us back in the states. We remember those who’ve died in past wars and made it possible for the military men today to enlist and serve their country as they did long ago. We remember those who we know who’ve recently lost their lives in the war which make this lifestyle all the more real to us. All of these outstanding and courageous service members who gave their lives in support for this country do so willingly to protect our country’s future. This unconditional commitment to duty and country is why I love the military life; cherish my husband, our Marine family & the Marine Corps.

--I couldn't write this without putting in here a small portion for the families. It is hard enough being a family member or loved one of a service member and having them wounded, ill or injured is even harder. Yet for those who've lost that second half of themselves completely is something no one can fathom or imagine unless you've been there. My heart aches for these wives, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, of these service members. As the days go by I hope for peace of mind and heart knowing you'll meet again someday. For my friend who lost her Marine in the war almost a year ago I love you and can only tell you that you are a brave and courageous who has a very loving and adoring guardian angel watching over your family. Whether you know it or not you have the strength that most women cower from in times of struggle and grief. You are so loved and have such a circle of affection and support around your family. I hope you’re getting stronger every day and can trust you’re gaining knowledge, strength, support and comfort from other Gold Star wives.

Trace Adkins - Arlington

Chicago/Brooke Army Medical Center

We’re back from Chicago and Texas! It can be hectic and a little crazy getting ready to go on trips with kids so I apologize for not writing as I should have. My house looks like a tornado blew through here between the dogs, kids and husband. The one thing I can say is that I finished washing clothes from both trips the other day. It never ends though. There’s enough junk mail, newspapers and school paperwork to save the entire rainforest in my opinion. Nothing is vacuumed or dusted but I’ve been wiping down stuff and cleaning the kitchen for what seems like all day and part of the night. How does it get so dirty? I leave when it’s decent and when I come back its filthy! Typical.

Chicago was interesting! LOL! Everyone went once but I went twice; once to just see the sights, see a Navy Graduation and get the lay of the land. The second time was just this past weekend for about 36 hours to actually see my cousin in her Navy graduation from bootcamp. She’d gotten a stress fracture before we’d gone the first time around but we decided to go anyways since the days off were already scheduled and everything was a go. Whoever named Chicago the “Windy City” was not exaggerating. It’s breezy here in Oceanside due to the constant Pacific Ocean breeze. We were NOT prepared for that weather and were reminded of that fact as soon as we stepped out of the rental car and onto the streets of downtown Chicago. This second time around Chicago wasn’t windy at all and I swore US Airways dropped me in Texas because it was in the 80’s when I got off that plane. The next day it was in the 40’s by the time graduation was over so it was never boring weather wise. LOL! We’re very proud of our new Sailor and know she’ll do great in Engineering school. Marine Corps & Navy = interesting holiday get togethers. LOL! 

Our Texas medical trip surprisingly was a lot of fun and very laid back. We drove all around the hill country and back to Houston like we were truck drivers! The kids and puppies stayed with our family in Houston and the doctor appointments were in San Antonio which isn’t too far away. Somehow we crammed in a lot of activities in such a short time. We got to go to some of our favorite Texas restaurants like Whataburger, Shipley’s Donuts, Taco Cabana, Casa Ole, Bill Miller BBQ, and Jacinto City Café. Being able to see and socialize with relatives we hadn’t seen in quite a while is always so great!

Anthony and I got to meet some really great people at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio. This base is home to a very prestigious hospital that has a separate clinic called Center for the Intrepid that specializes in helping those who were wounded and have limb limitations. On day one we got our bearings on this new base, checked into the Army database system, found the Marine Corps area, and as an example if he had broken a leg he was casted for a tester brace. We went back on another day after the tester had been molded for fitting. The doctor needed to see where adjustments would need to be made to accommodate his leg shape, range of motion inabilities with Anthony’s goals in mind for physical activities and exercise. We got to see online the previous case studies where the Soldiers and Marines would walk with no braces, their prior brace and then this new dynamic one. Seeing was believing and I still couldn’t believe it! With no brace and even their original brace these guys were cautiously walking slowly with an obvious limp. When placed into this new dynamic bracing system which is not bulky, heavy or binding these heroes were able to perform fast agility movements where there were none before, climb mountains and not just pass but excel in PFT’s & CFT’s. We were only there a little over 2 weeks but we’ll be back in June and July for a whole month for his physical training with this new brace so he can learn how to walk, run and function in this brace. It will be like nothing he has experienced yet. We are just so blessed and thankful for this opportunity and hope that others have outstanding doctors and case managers like ours who will offer this brace to them to help improve their life.

What has improved my life as the matriarch of this family is once again the people who have stuck by us through all of the changes, ups and downs and irregularities in our life over the past year. Everyone is always busy it’s just part of this life. Everyone helps someone in their own way whether big or small. While in Houston I got to see my friend from grade school in Texas which I consider my sister since we’ve known each other so long. Even though we don’t see each other everyday or talk our conversations are just as we do speak everyday and are so deeply meaningful. I love that girl to death and will always be here for her no matter what. As far as this time zone; I’ve been under a lot of added stress here lately and no matter what’s going on in their lives a few ladies have made the effort to help us out even when I didn’t ask for it and more than ever expected. They may not know it themselves but somehow they’ve been able to pop up at the just the right times when I needed an ear, a pick me up, a shoulder, or a helping hand. I’ve said it before it does take a village to not only raise a child but to thrive being a Marine loved one. Having friends and loved ones is that special incentive to get me through the day sometimes when nothing else is going right. The ladies and their husbands enrich our lives and make it so we don’t have to stress as much about the little things in life. Our biological families may not be here physically but we do have each other on this base and I am thankful for that. All of my friends though have been this outstanding and I wish I had more time and the resources to catch up with all of them because friendships are very important. Even though I know it’s impossible I wish this atmosphere never changed and it was always family oriented and inspiring. When it’s good it is very good and when it’s not gelling it is all jacked up. Thankfully the amazing women in my shoes in one way or another have been here (but are always still here via FB) or are here to help get each other through the not so good parts.

We go back to Texas soon and the husband can’t wait to endure this physical therapy at BAMC to get back on track with the Marine Corps career he always wanted. Anthony signed up for a marathon on base and we are looking forward to doing more in the near future for Wounded Warriors Battalion and with the Marine Corps.

Becoming a Marine Mom

Becoming a Marine Mom

The above link is from the Marines.mil website thought I'd share for my Marine Parents friends.  Enjoy.

response to the comments from Marine Parent Support Group...

"I don't know if the parents can see the comment and get my response so I'll put it on here as well..."

-----------------------------

I don't know why these comments didnt come to my BB so I'm kind of sad.

Thank you so much for allowing us to come and speak at your meeting. We had so much fun and never knew it would be such an eye opening and heartwarming experience that would push us to try and help out more. I'm amazed and inspired by all of the family members everyday but even more so by the parents for being so brave and courageous despite the distance from their Marine's base and still being involved in one way or another.

These FRO's jobs are specifically to inform you and have you 'ready' for deployments, trainings and anything that should come your way. They are your 'chain of command' when you need something answered and your Marine isn't around. They regularly have events such as get togethers, blogs, Facebook pages for the battalion, Seminars, classes, ect that don't necessarily need to be attended. Alot of them are geared towards just wives but you are encouraged to attend or even volunteer to help out. So please ask for notes from meetings, information to be passed via secured email, hotline, facebook page, ect. The more you know ahead of time whether or not you need it in the future will establish that relationship and bond early on. If you don't need it and move on to another FRO in another battalion you can take that invaluable knowledge and information as to how you like to be included, informed and involved.

*Also please be aware that some of these battalions are trying more and more to include parents so inquire as to whether there is a "Parent Advisor" available. He/She is there specifically for parents and corresponds via Facebook, Email and phone to organize get togethers before homecomings, coffee meetings, informative notes, ect.

Stay strong ladies and we are always here for you if there are ever any questions, comments, or concerns. Nothing is ever too silly, simple, or small to not know about when it comes to your Marine and the Marine Corps so advocate for them and your family.

We do plan on coming back to speak to your group again and to the MarineParents group that Angie is associated with. We loved speaking to you all and hope to start a group here for the parents in Southern California area as well as in our hometown of Houston, Texas.

Marine family support group...amazing folks!

We went on a trip to Illinois this past week. My cousin was supposed to graduate from the Navy’s only Boot camp in Great Lakes but sadly was injured. We ended up just seeing the sights and sounds of Chicago which was about 40 miles away. We weren’t prepared for the cold. Personally I thought it was windy like Oceanside is breezy. There is always a constant breeze here because of the proximity to the ocean well let me forewarn whoever makes any plans to ever visit there. Bring scarves, thick jackets and gloves! This time of year there was not freezing but felt like it due to the tropical storm like winds! When they say Chicago is the “Windy City” the words are not exaggerated by no way shape or form! 

Thankfully we’ll get to go back because this trip was all about getting lost. Blackberries and Droid phones were useless against the countless construction projects and detours which lead us to nowhere most of the time. We wandered the cityscape which by the way is the size of 4 Houston skylines. It is long and full of one ways and the whole reason I could never find my Gino’s Deep Dish Pizza!! Man versus Food places next time guys so be ready!

On our first night in Great Lakes we went to dinner with the Kleinfelders’ who are parents of a Marine who went to Afghanistan with Anthony. They volunteer with many supportive organizations that support the Marine Corps & deployed troops overseas. Angie invited us to speak at a Marine Parents support group to talk about Wounded Warrior & the Family Readiness Program. We didn’t really know what to expect since its family members and we’ve talked to more Marines and wives than moms, dads and family members.  There was supposed to be a recruiter there just going over uniforms but he couldn’t make it so we were more than happy to step up.There were no words to describe our experience though other than absolutely inspirational and motivating.

What we witnessed is amazingly resilient families from all over the 'time in' & MOS spectrum of the Marine Corps get together, talk out issues and lean on each other for support mentally and emotionally. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard it said and then said it on here that it takes a village to help each other come to terms with this life and not just survive it but thrive in it. These families have proved that logic absolutely right and have inspired Anthony and I to seek more of these groups out. We’d love to help wherever possible and these outstanding parents just wanted to know more about the Marine Corps. We can see now that there is that need for more involvement and information now more than ever. Whether it’s knowledge of the Marine Corps history, bootcamp information, uniform names, rank structure, MOS’ or even different programs that help parents & family members the need is there and should not be set aside or overlooked. We got to speak with girlfriends, sisters, soon to be and step fathers, mothers and even poolees. Families from airwing and marsoc positions to sawgunner and grunt units it was just heartwarming. We were told how appreciated we were for coming out and speaking but we got so much more from just saying a few words than this group of family members will ever know. Angie is so great for exposing us to something new and absolutely motivating. Information and knowledge about this lifestyle is the key to being able to take things as they come and be stronger throughout what comes our way. Poor poolees & first time families who were there; we apologized for maybe talking over their heads & talking about not so fun things but hopefully they see the reality of the situation yet also know that there are strength in numbers. Hopefully when we go back again we’ll get to go to another meeting and maybe talk about the bootcamp experience, care packages or deployments in general. LOL!

For those of you who were at that meeting let me give you some more information that not everyone may have heard or didn’t get a chance to ask me about. 

It is easy for a Marine to say that he’s prepared his family fully for deployments & everything that comes along with this lifestyle and sometimes they believe that. There is always something to learn though regardless of whether you’ve been around military since birth or just this past year. In all actuality I believe the Family Readiness Program should take a more active approach to introducing families who aren’t close to a base like most wives are to all aspects of how this lifestyle will impact them & their Marine for years to come.

1) I encourage all of you once again to find your FRO and contact information for your company Family Readiness Assistants (FRA’s)

2) Check your units Facebook page, unit website, twitter page regularly

3) If the unit is deployed call the hotline for information that the unit website may not have (or even try calling the unit their attached to); google alert information to be sent to your email or smart phone the RCT & unit name so you’ll have the latest information available not always 'officially released or confirmed' from the unit

4) Email your FRA regularly to keep that bond there for either the homecoming or even the next workup and deployment

5) If you haven’t already look into taking the L.I.N.K.S. for Parents online course it has invaluable information that can and will be used throughout the entire course of your Marine’s career

6) Read the Marine Corps Times regularly & keep in tune even if its sporadically with Marine Parents & the other organizations which provide forums and chat rooms

http://www.usmc-mccs.org/upfrp/links.cfm?sid=fl&smid=3

How can Family Readiness Program help me?

The Family Readiness Program assists the families of deployed Marines and Sailors in several ways, including:

1. Keeping you informed. While the units are deployed, the Family Readiness Program is the means by which families receive all official messages from the command. Heard that the MEU is leaving early? Coming home late? Somewhere dangerous? If you want the true scoop, go to your Family Readiness Assistant as they will have the latest information direct from the unit and can help dispel any rumors. This way, you don't have to rely on the lieutenant's brother's girlfriend's nephew for information on the MEU.

2. Providing the voice of experience. Family Readiness Assistants know the ins and outs of military living, and possess the knowledge to help other families through the difficult deployment period. In addition to their life experiences, they receive extensive training on the programs and services available to military family and are eager to pass this information on.

3. Information Referral Services. Looking for a way to get involved with other spouses with children or similar interests? Your designated Family Readiness Assistant will gladly refer you to the endless resources that are made available to military families.

4. Family Readiness. The Family Readiness Program’s number one mission is to enhance family readiness for the deployment, and does so by creating programs, readiness packets, and social events designed to make the separation caused by deployment a little easier to bear.

5. A support system. Remember, you are not alone. As military families, we are part of a unique community and in a profound way - we are a family unto ourselves. Any problem you may be facing has no doubt been met and overcome by another family member and the Family Readiness Program provides the means for their experience to benefit you.

http://www.mccscp.com/home/Files/pdf/Family_Services/Downloads/LINKS%20for%20Parents%20Guide.pdf

Wounded Warrior Wives...

Wounded Warrior wives are some of the most resilient, tough skinned individuals I’ve had the privilege to learn from recently besides the service member’s themselves of course. It’s honestly very surreal because as wives one day we can be sitting at home watching Good morning America with some coffee and in what feels like a moments’ time we’ve been given the title of caregiver. The tempo changes very rapidly from proud independent deployed spouse of a Marine to Wounded Warrior wife, caregiver, non-medical assistant, charge nurse, pharmacy tech, responsible adult for his and your well-being, ect.  We never expect their lives to end up anything other than normal. We just imagine that one day we’ll grow up and older with our men. Envisioning ourselves completely whole and healthy; maybe a little worse for wear but physically well on acres of land in the country sitting in a rocking chair enjoying the Texas heat and humidity. Traveling, enjoying grown children, grandchildren, retired but still helping others is our ultimate destination! Possibly a little greyer, a little older, maybe a little less energetic but none the less together and able to do whatever you want with the rest of your lives.  Everyone hears and can see that people get hurt in Afghanistan. Seeing the news reports, numbers of the injured and images on tv just don’t feel real. It seems as if it’s all a world away from our bubble and the faces of the WIA’s and KIA’s are significantly sad but don’t always ring home.

There was a time I walked around like all the other wives with the mentality that “it will not happen to us, and it won’t be my guy.” Somehow psyching myself out because all of his training and preparation since the time he’d been in the Marine Corps would suffice and get him through unharmed. Unfortunately, denial gets you absolutely no where though. The denial was a self protecting shield we put up to block the negative in the face of uncertainty. Not wanting to think about the worst of the worst for me was necessary to an extent to keep my sanity and is part of the deployment emotional cycle we all go through. Thankfully we were wise enough to still get everything in order; we had extensive Wills prepared, Powers of Attorney written out, and updated his Marine OnLine records for next of kin notification.

When the time came for him to leave for Afghanistan we said what we normally say, “Come home no matter how…” and I made him promise me that. Promises are typically something I never make Anthony do because it's unrealistic and unfair to the both of us.  They are very rare and priceless but I remember how we said that he could keep that promise because either way he’d get to come back home. Anthony and I had talked about the extremes of war many times before so I knew the risks and like any good Grunt he wanted this deployment so badly. There were many tears on my part talking about this and then thinking of what could go wrong, how I would deal with it, ect. We agreed that if he somehow sees my dad (who recently passed away) then something went wrong. I know now that those conversations prepared me and helped me rationalize the deployment and how serious it was, the HQMC phone call, the red tape and procedures afterwards, just getting him and myself just through those first couple of weeks.

Something I'd never wish on someone is the Headquarters Marine Corps phone call. When the call comes in though; they ask formally for your name, you say this is her how can I help you, the Marine says this is ___ with Headquarters Marine Corps; you’re heart just stops. For an instant you’re beside yourself with worry, anxiety and fear of the unknown. Every part of your mind is fuzzy; you don’t know what to do first and all you know is you’re not so sure of your future with your husband anymore. They tell you basically nothing because they’re reading from a report. It bothered me that someone who didn’t know my husband, didn’t know the facts or was even out there called to tell me something that was so rudely vague I was absolutely sure the people who do that job gets cursed out quite a bit. They tell you that he is injured, where, when and what type of seriously injured he is. THAT IS IT!  So basically you know he was involved in something that didn’t turn out like it was supposed to. You know that he was injured in some way, shape or form and some dude just called you to tell you what he read off a paper and any questions you have he says, “I’ll find out and get back to you.” UMMMMM OKAYYYYY!!!! Thanks for raising my blood pressure to the boiling point and then ultimately telling me the bare minimum.

Things change day to day with this CACO procedure. At a local town hall meeting were just informed that now it won’t be just a phone call. The next of kin will now be informed through a CACO officer at your home on his MOL record. HOLY CRAP! Really?! We’ve had the assumption that the only reason they do that is for KIA’s and now it’s changing. Hmmm…I don’t know how to feel about that.  What do you think? I think that would have been even more insulting to come to my house with only a sentence of information and not know anything. Yep now I know he’ll get cursed out. Having someone face to face though could have helped in moving along the process of whether or not the next of kin should go to Germany or Bethesda. We’ll see how this process goes. I wish I would have just told our HQMC rep to get that order done and over with for me to go to Germany the first conversation we had. I was told at one point, “well we don’t know how long he’ll he there.” When in all actuality it would have turned out fine because it took him several days to get to Germany and it would have taken me just as long too. Other service members get pushed to the front of the ‘medevac line’ if they’re more severe than your Marine who just gets bumped down to another flight within a few hours or even days. You’ll really have no way of knowing this information though because obviously the flight manifests aren’t public knowledge so my saving grace was just keeping in touch with those Marines out there who knew more than the guys in charge back here. I should have just gone anyways and will forever kick myself for not doing so. If I would have gone it would have prevented missing medical records needed for future usage, clear information to me from the doctors there since he was knocked out and on multiple pain meds, and just peace of mind for myself in being by his side through everything.

In the end bullets and IED’s don’t have names on them. They are very real and don’t have a destination other than to injure and devastate whomever they impact. The Wounded Warrior wives are truly warriors themselves. Wise beyond their young years and can conquer anything after being through so much already. It is an extremely hard process that comes with the CACO call but because of this Semper Fi love we ladies have for these men, our USMC family, civilian family & friends we get through it and somehow do it with grace and a little red wine on the side.