Time heals wounds.
Whoever said that is full of shit…lol. No not really but about half
right. I agree that it heals your heart
by easing your grief but your mind is a whole other ocean of emotions. When I sit back and think about the time that
has come and gone since my dad has passed I think about the birthdays,
holidays, anniversaries, life changes and everything that has occurred without
him. That gets me every time.
Hell he would have never guessed that McCain
would lose and we have the president we do.
Jokingly and sarcastically maybe but never in a million years would he
have thought it would have came true. Ha!
He would have loved to see my sister kick cancers ass
considering he passed away from it. Everything
simultaneously was smashed together 3 years ago today; her diagnosis, daddy’s
illness and then passing which was incredibly hard on all of us but no one more
than my sister. That’s enough stress to
make anyone crumble but like always she showed grace, strength, and still is amazingly
inspiring through it all.
He would have been worried and excited to know I moved
across the country. He always had high
hopes for me but we never thought I’d leave Texas ever! He’d be surprised at how 3 years could
completely change a persons’ life for the better. I wish he could see my house, how my Chevy
truck is still kickin’, how these ‘hippies and gold rush folks’ out here do
more than surf and smoke pot all day like most Texans think and that they do
have decent bar-b-que here. I wish he
could see my Wyatt Earp and Cody they love momma and I know daddy would have
reluctantly loved them too.
He would have never guessed my momma would have gotten on an
airplane and lived to tell the tale! She
got on her first one to come and visit me in California and has been on the
move ever since. She’s accomplished so
much and come a long way. She misses her
best friend and companion of 40+ years and to know a love of that magnitude
then to let it go has to be the hardest thing a woman ever has to do. Their fights, bickering, pinched butts,
loving glances, sarcastic daggering glances, nicknames like “big butt” and the
joking back and forth of their relationship balanced out the serious and not so
serious times.
We have such a huge family and it has gone through some
definite changes since daddy passed some for the good and not so good. If he were here he would have seen Brittany
graduate high school, go to college, is a lifeguard and just a very beautiful
young lady. Brooke became an awesome
violist, started high school, and is super smart with absolutely everything
animals, she also is beautiful and looks a lot like Margaret as a
teenager. The animal changes Margaret’s
had in her household daddy wouldn’t have been able to keep up with quite like
myself but the big monster MoeMoe and licker Odie; none of us can forget. Christopher’s out of college, doing extremely
well in Dallas which is really great for a very smart and handsome young man he
turned out to be. Kyndel add a few more
to her nest and settle down with a nice man who seems to really care about his
kids and Kyndel. Josh has followed in
the footsteps of the Berner men by becoming an Engineer for the Merchant
Marines which is amazing and has done and seen so many new things it’s
unreal. He will make many friends and
many stories along this journey.
Christina and Jonathan both are doing so well in their jobs and families
even though there’s always constant change going on. Nevaeh and Amber have been through so much in
their short years on this earth but they’ve come through it all with flying
colors and are amazing little munchkins so smart and dingy at the same time; a
little Texan and a little Californian. He’d be shocked at how big they’ve gotten and how many big words Anthony
& I don’t even know damn Californian teachers. Melissa shocked the hell out of us all with her
enlistment finally into the Navy.
Regardless of the obstacles she had to go through to get there, stay
there and fight hard to continue on with her course of training she really
showed her grit and commitment to her military service. He’d definitely be amused that the Navy
apparently just gives money away and that even though Melissa’s only been in 7
months she is almost at the pay grade Anthony is at with almost 5 years
in!
I think we all miss his presence and the conversations the
most. The daily numerous phone calls to
just check on us and funny voicemails we all knew what he’d say, “hey crystal,
this is your daddy…” lol. I knew his voice like the back of my hand but every
voice mail was the same it made me laugh then but cry now. I wish I could hear that voice again. I think we all miss sitting and talkin’ for a
long time about nothing. Anything would
do from the neighbors, the weather from present to past, his family, our family
including the crazy ones; nothing was off limits to a good conversation. He’d tell you what he really thought then
what he thought others would think would be politically correct so if someone
asked you could just quote the watered down version. LOL!
I think we all really miss that the most and like I said
time heals the grief but I doubt it will ever quell the memories in our
mind.
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